he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
