I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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