I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
