just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
