Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just invented taco cereal.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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