Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Enjoy the penises
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
