It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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