I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
