I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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