Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
