don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
