apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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