You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
