I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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