If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
