dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
