So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
