he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
