I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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