It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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