You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
