I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Terrible idea I love it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
