the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
