that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
