You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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