im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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