I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
