My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
