she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
