A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
