I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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