just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
