they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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