Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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