Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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