Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
