i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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