I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who died my cat blue again?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
