you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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