This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
