I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
