I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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