I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
