soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
