They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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