In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
