I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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