But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
love makes seman taste better
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
