In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
