i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
