That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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